Two months

November 3, 2008
It's Been two months since I gave birth to my sweet angel, Faith. It seems like yesterday that this nightmare began. It is slowly becoming my new normal. The heartache is weaving it's way into my soul. It's a part of me now. Never will leave. The thought of this always being a part of me is sad but strangly comforting. With the sadness, I know that she will always be there. I know that she is so much more than sadness. She is pure, beautiful, angelic, and perfect. I pray for the day that I don't just cry for her. That I don't constantly grieve to touch her sweet face, kiss her nose, smell her baby smell, or feel her breath on my neck . These are things other mothers claim to cherish. I'd never wish this on anyone. When I see parents fight over whose turn it is to hold their baby, or to change their diaper, or get frustrated because they won't sleep, I just want to yell "Suck it up, you're gonna miss this one day"or You could've lost your baby like me." I could say that , but they still could never fully understand. I'm around friends and their babies, and they complain. Good friends whose hearts ache for me, but still life is normal for them. I'm jealous that I can never complain like that again. I also feel blessed that I, through her death, was blessed to cherish every detail of life and how it could be over at any moment. Today my angel I mourn you but am learning to celebrate you. I pray that one day I will be overcomed with joy when I think of you. I'm so blessed to call you my child, Faith. Thank you for watching over Mommy, Daddy, Nash, Krista, and Grace. They miss you so much. Everytime Grace sees another baby she says "My baby died, I miss her." You're in our hearts and souls forever sweet baby Faith. We have to accept that you are our angel and will never be here the way we want. I'm so happy to have the comfort that you are in God's loving arms.