Hope is one week old

July 15, 2009
The days crept towards her arrival and just as I knew once she arrived the time has flown by. I can't express completely how I feel. I can't get enough of her. It's as if I'm trying to absorb everything of her and what I missed with Faith. I look at her and only want to feel the elation I have for having her in my life.The want for Faith will always be in my heart. It hurts. We went to Faith's grave to take one of Hope's balloons and "It's a girl cigar." It felt good, but leaving killed me. I know that Faith is always with me- God knows after going through my pregnancy that I know she is my strength.But leaving the grave reminded me that I will always be leaving one of my girls behind. I will always feel her in every special family moment, but she will never be in any photos looking back at me with her own special smile. I talk to Hope about Faith all the time and the other day she smiled- I know that she knows who came before her.Iguess with all the hormones, relief that she is here, and missing Faith that my mind is everywhere. What a journey! I can't wait for all of you to exprience these emotions. Having Hope definitely makes the heartache a little less piercing. All my heartache for Faith floods in, but I can look at Hope and know how special she is to have been kissed and chosen by my angel. Every child is a gift and chosen for us, but Hope came from Faith. So no matter how sad i get, it ends with a smile of gratitude.The trick is being able to balance the joy and grief. I assume that will be a forever process.