Bittersweet

January 23, 2009
Last night I let the girls hear the heartbeat with the doppler . Krista said what if it stops too. I said that we have to have faith and hope that baby Faith and God will keep it safe. Grace hugged and kissed my belly. She has cried like she never has about Faith. She was tired, but it just hurt to see how badly she hurts. She said I really wanted baby Faith. I wish she could be in your belly again. We all just hugged and cried until we fell asleep listening to music. I hate that i can't be stronger for them when they have these feelings. I know that it is good to show that emotion is ok, but I want to be strong so they don't think that they upset me. Why does this have to be? Give us our baby back! I love this child more and more everyday. I hate saying that I want Faith back because I don't want this baby to feel unwanted. This is so bittersweet. Things are not what they should be. Watching my girls do things is so hard because I know that I'll never see Faith doing it. This is so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!