I'm over myself!

July 1, 2009
Thank you guys for allowing my tantrum. To Braysmommy, the other day you were left alone for the first time. i remember that feeling 10 months ago. It's hard. Every step is so hard, and we, all of us mommies are so strong that we make it through every hurdle in this damn journey. Why, because we are mommies to angels, very special children that are not here for whatever the reason. In your journal you said, that you will put your "big girl panties on" and get through it. Well, mine were off briefly today, but they're back on. Thank you guys so much for all the well wishes. I have to remember that I got pregnant after losing Faith because I needed to know that life has something positive left. I needed life growing inside of me again. I needed to give my children a sibling even if it couldn't be Faith. After becoming pregnant, Hope at first was just a new baby. Now she is my baby that can't replace the emptiness of losing Faith but she has given us Hope. The whole point of becoming pregnant was to have life growing in me again, and i do. So i can't complain that for whatever reason she needs more time. I will be insane for another week, but who cares. I'm blessed to be coming to the end of a new pregnancy after losing my angel. So many are beginning that empty feeling that I remember so well. The feeling of that it will be forever before I hold a living baby. I'm almost there and complaining. That's crap. I'm going to face every second of the fear and no matter how many visits to see stupid young nurses in the middle of the night it takes, I will be holding Hope in the end. After that, I hope to be helping many of you through your journey of pregnancy after losing sweet angels. Sorry, i lost my way briefly.