Well, I have a lot going on. I need to release some of it into words. I have so much to be happy about right now and I am loving it. Of course outside issues have to try to knock me back a few steps. The scare with Grace really had my stomach in knots. I don't know how she went from having every symptom of Appendicitis to having none- completely healed. The dr said that often kids will have their white count go up at the onset of a virus. I knew this, but... I just don't believe that a kid would have a stomach bug that caused their white count to go up to 22, 000, a fever of 102, stomach cramps wothout throwing up or coming out the other end. Then the fact that no one else has gotten it. I thought Nash did but his symptoms have been completely different, sore throat, throwing up... Baby girl I am sure you saw how distraught your Mommy was and had a talk with the head honcho about fixing my Monkey. While watching her get poked at in the hospital and feeling so helpless, I flashed to the night before when I was watching her dance. While she was dancing I was thinking of how she wanted to dance with you so bad. I told her that she had to teach baby Hope how to dance soon. Your gift is already rocking her bootie back and forth when music is playing. Anyway, I started to think what if I will never see my Monkey do her "exotic" moves anymore. You know how she moves. I can't imagine not having her here and never seeing her dance again. Well last night it was so good to sit and watch her shake that bootay again. lol My Monkey, your big sister is one of a kind. Well, all of you are very much individuals. You are my angel, but I know you are a very strong stubborn one since you are my child.
Each month on the 1st-3rd I have a hard time because it marks another month without you. This month baby girl you will be proud that the sadness will at least be delayed. i am sure many tears will be shed as I watch Hope blow out her first candle on her first cake. It has gone by way too fast!!! I want a do over. Anyway, we are having a bug theme for Buggy's party. I am having the cutest dress made for her. I ordered the cake that is the shape of a #1 with flowers and bugs on it.She is here this year so i won't have to freeze this cake because she is late. ;) There will be lots of balloons and a jumping castle. We are having it in the Fourth so we are having a cookout and fireworks. She was supposed to be here last year by the 4th, but Party Girl had plans to hitch a ride with me a bit longer. She can't hide from me this year. :) AND the most most exciting part of the entire celebration is that PIA and ANDREW are coming to celebrate with us. I can't wait for Pia to hold my rainbow in her arms. To Mommy it is like she represents all my DS sisters that cheered on baby Hope to make it here safely. I couldn't have made it through any of this without them and you baby girl. As cheated as I feel without you here to hold, Mommy is starting to feel blessed again- not cursed. Thanks for always leading the way and taking such good care of us all. I am sure some tears will be shed that I won't be able to look into your eyes and see the pride and you see the pride in mine as we watch your gift smash into her first cake. I know that eveything I do you do with me, but I sure wish I just once see you with us all. I feel you I just wish I could see you and touch your sweet face. Okay I will stop before I have to add sadness to the title of this journal. You will be 22 months just before your sister turns 1. We will be preparing for your 2nd birthday soon.... Love!!
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