Feeling good and blessed

August 14, 2009
I was talking to Kevin after my last entry. I told him how good I felt after writing. i knew that a lot of my sadness was compounded with the fact that I couldn't find the words to express my feelings. I have to say that today is a good day. I am so blessed to have you guys in my life. Of course, I'd rather hve something else in common like scrapbooking. lol Before today, I could look at Hope and feel joy, pride, and love. BUT it was dulled with the sadness of not having Faith. Today, I have felt true happiness with her. I think the fog might be lifting. I know that I will forever miss Faith- want Faith. I love her so much and would do anything to have her,knowing that is not possible makes this so much harder to deal with. Today it hit me how close her birthday is. (Sept. 3rd)I have dreaded it approaching. Then I realized I will be planning Hope's baptism. How beautiful is that- to be blessed to have a new life to celebrate exactly a year after the worst time in my life. It's crazy to feel so blessed after feeling so damned. This is what I wished for after losing Faith, and i have been blessed with it. I knew having Hope would not change anything but add. It would not change the bad, but make it bearable. It would add a future of Hope. Thank you all for bringing me back. Love you guys.