23 weeks 4 days

March 30, 2009
Hope is doing good.Thank God. Trying to stay hopeful and fight off the fears. I know they won't go away, but I try to remind myself how blessed I am to even be able to get pregnant. There are so many of you that joined DS with me and have had trouble getting pregnant or having miscarriages. My heart aches for you. I pray for you everyday.Then there are my friends that are new to DS that are in that beginning stage where they want so bad to be pregnant again and their arms are freshly aching to hold their babies. I still have that feeling for Faith, but I also know that I have hope because I'm pregnant.I'm not just grieving I'm awaiting a second chance with Hope. I have three beautiful children here, a beautiful angel waiting in heaven for me, and a precious blessing on the way. I want that to outway the gref. I know that this is a good day for me and who knows tomorrow I'm might come crashing down again. I do know I'm going to try to enjoy every good feeling and moment while it lasts. I still cry all the time for Faith and sadly I end it with the realization that no matter how much I cry beg or scream she won't be in my life the way I hoped or envisioned. The other day when I was really down I said to a friend that the fact that there is always going to be that feeling of one missing sucks because it takes from any joy I have. She said to me that we will always remember and include Faith. That I should for Faith love Hope as if Faith were here because she is in spirit and she would want me too. Her saying that really touched me because so often we think everyone around us forgets about our babies. Tht we are left alone to grieve. I want to try to love Hope the way her big sister would want me too. She can't be here in the flesh, but her spirit is so much more than her little body could ever hold. Thank you sweet girl for being th heart of my spirit the heart of our family. I love and miss you always.