Sunday, October 19, 2008
Up until now I haven't had that much of a problem sleeping. The last few nights I haven't been able to sleep until I'm emotionally exhausted. Then, I wake up later with this empty feeling. I've been feeling anxious. I hope this is temporary because the sadness is enough to handle. I feel caught between two worlds. This one where my living children are and heaven where my beautiful angel is. I feel like I don't belong in either. I know my kids need me, but I feel numb like I'm just watching them live, and I can't join in. I don't want to leave my kids nor would I ever do that to them. I just want to enjoy them. I promised Faith that her death wouldn't be for nothing that we would make a great life for her brother and sisters. I feel like I'm failing her. How do I laugh again and not feel like crying at the same time?
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