anxious- frustrated-missing Faith wanting to meet Hope

I'm in such a frustrated mood wanting to punch something. I'm sure it has alot to do with hormones,but I just want to scream and cry. I'm always this way when pregnant. Of course losing Faith compounds the situation. I want her so bad, I feel like a little kid that can't have something and doesn't understand why and can't express what their feeling.These days are crawling and taking me farther fromthe only day I held Faith and so slowly bringing me to holding Hope. Yet that is not even a guarantee. I hate this. Nothing is completely right. In life some stuff should be right. Now nothing is. I guess I've been so sick and the kids, so I've been busy and not able to deal with my emotions. Now I feel like I'm going to explode. THIS WILL NEVER GO AWAY. I WILL BE FIGHTING THIS FOREVER. WHY??????????????