Monday, June 15, 2009
I had my last NST today.Hope was sleepy, which would have scared me if it weren't her normal sleepy time. I also had my last ultrasound, and she is measuring 5lb9oz. I officially got my amnio scheduled for 8:00 the morning of the 23rd. I hope that the results come back that she ready. I'll have to stay on bedrest for wed until my induction date thurs. I 'm trying to stay focused, but because I'll be exactly where I was with Faith on Father's Day so many emotions are running crazy in my mind. My sister called wanting to come visit, and my mom not thinking said I'm sure it's ok, but let me ask Cynthia. WEll hello NO!!!! They were here the weekend before Faith passed on Monday. So it would be like a damn replay. Besides I'm nesting and scared to do anything because I was doing so much because of nesting on that weekend that Faith died. I feel like if so many people weren't in my house and i wasn't so busy I would have noticed a gradual decrese in movement. Man I'm so stressed. I wish I could fast forward. On that tuesday I went in to find that there wasn't a heartbeat with Faith, next tues I'm checking to see if Hope is ready to be delivered. On that Wednesday I delivered my angel, next wednesday I'll be so emotional missing my Faith and biting my nails that Hope will make it here. Please God It all seems so similar, don't let her leave me too. I need Hope here. I would become emptier than I already am, but my children- what would it do to them.
Faith and Hope.Their names are their names for a reason. Cynthia don't buckle now. HOPE IS FAITH HOLDING OUT ITS HAND IN THE DARK. Together Faith,Hope, and myself- We will be ok. I haven't come this far to be destroyed all over again. I have the power of a beautiful angel by my side. Mommy loves you little girl.
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