Disappointed in myself

February 4, 2009
I promised myself that when people asked how many children I have, I would answer including Faith. I have found myself taking the easy road. I had an eye appt today. After telling the dr that I'm pregnant, he asked how many. I said this will be four. Then he takes it farther by asking the ages, then genders. I thought I would say four and it would end. I left so mad at myself because not only did I leave her out I did three times. With each question he asked, I denied her existence. I said that I don't want her to be forgotten and as her mother I left her out. I just feel like explaining, depending on the reaction, would bring me to tears or enraged. If they give the right sympathetic response I know I'll cry. If they don't react the right way I will be annoyed. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I feel like shit.